The Teenage Disco
It’s iconicness slot’s in alongside such momentous events like celebrating your first Holy Communion, discovering Santy isnt real and going to Irish College, the Teenage Disco is a right of passage amongst the adoloscents of Ireland.
Whether you were a Wetser in Wez, a Hun in Harlequin or a Moth in Moylerovers a certain trend exists for attendees in all. Today I wish to take the time and reflect back on our forgotten youth, so pull up a chair, pump a bit of DJ Casper and take a trip with me down memory lane, a lane where many young youths left and never recovered their dignity.
The Drop Off
More reliable than any Uber you will ever get, your mother not only got you there just as the Cheeky girls began to play but also possessed the ability to judge the attire of every other teenager you drove past “jesus she must be freezing in that dress, if you could call it a dress”, “Is that Catherine’s son there with the Blue Wkd” and the much loved “Its eight at night why is everyone wearing sunglasses?”, I still dont have the answer to that one mum.
The Newborn Calf
You’ve left the safetly of your Mum’s seven seater now you must navigate your way to the entrance in your first ever pair of Penny’s heels, *note if you think your going to fall drag a friend down with you and use her as a cushion, you dont want to rip your tan tights.
The Prey and the Predator
You’ve the chewing gum and naggin stuffed firmly in your neon pushup bra and its time to get your PG rated freak on, you spot Daithi, a shoe in for the under 14 hurling panel next season, its time for shawty to get low low low and show that lanky fuck why he shouldnt be sharing his can of Fanta with that girl from Fethard, she’s not even from the same parish as him. Time to get one the squad to approach the guy who has over 300 Bebo Loves and ask “will you shift my friend?”
She is soooo not my other half anymore
So the will you shift my friend turned into “will you shift me“, this may currently seem like a greater betrayal then Hamlet ever went through but don’t worry hun, she was just another number in his race to win Beat the Slapper, also she opted for Sally Hansen over Rimmel Sun Kiss tan and looks like she fell out of a packet of these bad boys
Will I go in left, will he go in right? Doesnt matter will still end up shite.
Smacked our teeth, touched my bum, thought my friends said this was fun?
Sweaty palms, slimmy faces, tongues going at different paces.
– A Poem by Moi
Yes you’ve finally scored, shifted, pulled, met, kissed somone, now you no longer have to lie and say that you kissed someone on Summer Holidays before.