ANOTHER BASIC WHITE GIRL 

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Life giving you cramps?

If you’re sitting there behind you computer screen, tablet, smart phone, with your pants adjusted to see what sexual related writing material in my blog you can Fap off to prepare to be blue balled.

As much as I enjoy writing comically about sex and social issues I felt like this blog needed to be wrote and equally read. Perhaps my sexual writing libido is in decline and I find myself writing something comparable to a dry hump. So if you feel like tucking Trouser Trevor away and having a read well that’s great, if you want to go back to stalking people on social media go for it, it’s so much easier and less time-consuming than reading some basic middle class white girls thoughts.

Getting Your Shit Together.

In the past year or so I’ve met some wonderful people, and some of these have asked me “how are you so confident?” or “I wish I could do that and not care” but I wasn’t always who I am now, and nor will I remain this way. This isn’t me bragging being like oh look at me I’m so carefree and funny, no this isn’t the story of the caterpillar, the cocoon and the butterfly, this is more like the shit, the backsplash and the flush.

Around two years ago I met a girl named Nicole (not hey guys its Nicole, but just Nicole). Nicole was two years older than me, she was from Belfast and moved to Galway with her Fiance. Nicole had her dream job and a dog. Nicole looked like a super model. Nicole from what I gathered in our brief encounter was funny, sweet and clever. Nicole caused me to have a horrible realisation. I wasn’t Nicole.

The Shit

College is meant to be the greatest time of your life. Mine was, well not without some speed bumps. Each pot hole on the road I tried to ignore and bypass. Eventually my inability to tackle these issues caught up with me.

I found myself with a Bachelor’s Degree in a subject I wasn’t particularly passionate about, yet I dedicated an exhausting four years of my life in achieving. I was in a relationship that was more Toxic than Britney Spears would ever have imagined and was suffering with severe anxiety attacks.

I was Wheres Wally/Waldo kind of lost in terms of my life. However instead of hyperventilating and crying myself to sleep, like I had been doing most nights, I sat in my room and thought of Nicole. I knew what I had to do, I had to take some metaphorical laxatives and shit out the life I was leading to make room for the one I wanted.

(Too graphic?)

The Backsplash

Now changing your life isn’t easy, in fact its kind of terrifying. The door was literally always there for me to walk out of, but I had always been too scared to. However this night after skyping my parents on their dial-up styled internet and having a huge cry with them I knew what had to be done. I knew there was a big backsplash coming my way, but every splash dries and I kept repeating this in my head. So I packed up my bags, quit my job and I left ignoring the caution wet floor signs.

For me this was traveling to somewhere I had always dreamed of going. So a week later I found myself in Australia, and here the toilet water flushes the other way.

The Flush

Now the first few weeks and months were not easy. I was still raw from the load I had left behind (fuck me even I’m grossed out by this analogy) and was scared I had made a mistake. But with time the surface dried and I felt comfortable once again. I got a new job, which I loved, with people who saw so much professional and personal potential in me. I missed my friends and family but I made so many new wonderful ones. For the first time in a long time I started being more than just content, I was finally at a point where I didn’t care about the past, it was time to flush it away.

As I closed the lid on what was my life I was able to evaluate my past mistakes and errors and learn from them. I had always wanted to write but was always scared of what people would think so I hadn’t. Now I write and don’t care what people think. I had always been scared of public speaking because I thought people would judge my appearance harshly, now I can’t shut up and I realise that if people are focusing more on what I look like then what im saying then A) what I’m talking about is boring B) theyre superficial asswanks. So when you ask “how are you so confident?” or “I wish I could do that and not care” you should be asking yourself these questions not me, because I dont have the answers just a Toilet Anaology and a positive outlook on life.

Now my life isn’t perfect there’s still a few skid marks but I’m well on my way. So no im not Nicole. I don’t have the perfect job, the perfect life and most days I look like an aggressive foot but this foot is moving in the right direction and thats what matters.

#advice #relationships #humour #life #getyourshittogether #lifestyle